


BITES of Spider Life

by Magical_Awesome_Kid



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: AU brought to you by ask-spiderverse-virgil and sugarglider9603, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Spiderverse AU, slices of life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-12 13:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17468654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Awesome_Kid/pseuds/Magical_Awesome_Kid
Summary: When you're bitten by a genetically-altered and probably radioactive spider, things in life tend to get a little complicated. Follow Virgil Storm, Roman Marigold, Logan Quinn, Patton Foster, and a whole slew of other spider-people and spider-related people as they deal with life, love, and the occasional robot army trying to take over New York.Just another Tuesday for our teenage Spiderlings.





	1. Grandma’s Old Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Taking place in the Spidervrse AU created by @ask-spiderverse-Virgil and @sugarglider9603 on tumblr. Some slices of life from the universe as the spider boys try to balance life, superheroics, and everything else.

            Virgil tumbled out of bed that morning, yawning up a storm as he rubbed his eyes. He had yet to do his make-up even as his favorite P!ATD shirt and black jeans were on his body. His suit sleeves peaked out, and his Spidey hood hung out, but it didn’t really matter because it was just Grandma and him today. His dad had headed to Tallahassee for the weekend for a business conference, so his parents were using it as a bit of a break for the two of them. Grandma Storm had long ago figured out that Virgil was Spidergale, and it was confirmed after he’d passed out post panic attack while in suit. Thomas had brought him home, and that’s when everything had been confirmed.

            Today was Saturday, and, even if Virgil had slept in, he was still tired. He and Patton had been on the patrol schedule last night, and what should have been a normal Friday night of purse snatchers and minor theft, of course the Mysterio had to cause all sorts of chaos. Thomas had been out of town, across the country even for a Youtube thing, so it was all hands on deck for the Spiderlings. After dismantling his army of robot monsters (worthy of the Hollywood big screen) and disarming hallucinatory gas bombs all across the city, they’d finally webbed up Mysterio and handed him over to the police around 2 am. They’d stuck around long enough to get the police there, and then there was a LONG ride home. Of course, webbing had run out and Logan’s legs were damaged, so, all around, they were just done. They took the subway home, and, thankfully, most people were just used to weird things like people in hero costumes late at night on a Friday. Virgil had climbed through his bedroom window around 3 am, taking long enough to toss off his costume and grab a make-up wipe to get rid of the last bits from his face before crashing hard.

            He flung himself into the chair that still held his favorite hoodie from yesterday as Grandma Storm pat his head before handing him a bowl of Pho and a cup of coffee. Virgil’s head floated up at the smell. Grandma didn’t always make Pho, but, when she did, it was to die for. “Waited up a while with the news on last night. Last I checked in, you and the boys were fighting a dinosaur?”

            “Yup. That happened.” Virgil noted as he sipped the coffee first. “We beat it and got Mysterio in the end. Sorry for keeping you up, Grandma.”

            She waved her hand. “No worries, một chút. I was your age at one point, and I had plenty of adventures.” Virgil nodded. Grandma had some crazy stories from her younger years, and Virgil was sure it was only half the story. After all, she had pieced together Virgil and his friends’ alter egos within a few months of them going public. “You’re ok?”

            Virgil shrugged. “A little bruised, but I’m already half-healed. Nothing too bad.”

            “You should get more sleep.” She waved her finger at him. “And eat something. You’re as thin as a grass blade, and you look tired.”

            “Gee, thanks Grandma.” Virgil threw as he rolled his eyes, finally eating his Pho. “I have to meet my project group at the library at one, and, no, it’s not Patton and Roman. Logan and I have a group project with some kids over a history PowerPoint.”

            As if being summoned, there was a knock at the door. Before Virgil could even get up, Grandma was up and walking towards the door. When she opened it, Logan was standing there, looking mostly put together. Mostly, because, if you knew the kid, you could pick out that he was as tired as Virgil. His tie was missing, even as he wore a polo and cardigan, his jeans clean but not neatly pressed as normal. A few hairs fell from their neat comb.

            “Good day, Grandma Storm.” Logan greeted. Logan and Virgil had grown up together, so it was easy for the teen to adopt the other grandma as his own. “Is Virgil ready to go? If we are to make the bus, then we must get going.”

            “No, I think not.” Grandma stated as she guided Logan in. Even as he tried to protest, she was quite strong for age and, of course, stubborn. “I’ll give you money for a cab. You need a break and some food as well.” She chided as she somehow got Logan’s backpack away from him and wiggling him into his seat. “I’ll get you coffee and food. You need it.”

            “Grandma, please…”

            “No, listen to Grandma and eat.” She insisted.

            Logan sighed as he accepted defeat. He removed his glasses to rub his eyes, and, honestly, it was somewhat of a relief as he got to rest his bones and smell the homey food of a loving grandma.

            While the two boys were eating, Grandma moved around the apartment with an ease of a woman half her age, cooking up some sweets and began to brew her special tea. She pulled out a nice blouse as she went to the laundry room, the iron plugged in.

            When Virgil woke up enough, he looked to his grandmother. “Grandma, what are you up to?”

            She looked back at her grandson and smiled. “Oh! I guess in the excitement, I forgot to mention that an old friend of mine managed to make time to come over today. He’s very busy most days, and he owes me some tea and gossip. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him.”

            Virgil nodded. He’d met plenty of Grandma’s friends before. Some were downright odd, but most were cool. They’d share some crazy stories that Virgil was sure were exaggerated, but he would nod at the right points before slipping away to ‘do homework’ or something. Grandma understood that he got anxious around new people.

            Soon enough the two finished eating, and Grandma Storm stuffed a twenty into Virgil’s hands before shooing them off with a few extra sweets to their project time.

            Logan and Virgil had gotten to the library, where they found their group mates of Brittney, Janet, and Robert. Robert was a bit of a douche the whole time, dragging his feet and trying to flirt with Janet. Janet, meanwhile, was getting annoyed with him, wanting to focus on the project. Eventually, Brittney told Robert to shove it, because Janet was too nice to say so, and Logan offered to swap with Janet so that Virgil was between her and Robert. Virgil offered to let her listen to his music, what with the Panic! At the Disco and MCR patches on her backpack.

            Robert THEN tried to start shit with Virgil, but Virgil just reminded him that he was dating Roman, something Robert had completely forgotten.

            It was really ridiculous, and Virgil and Logan were almost happy when the library shook, sirens off outside as a supervillain was attacking their city once more.

            The study session was cut short. Logan had managed to patch his legs, and web fluid was replenished. The Fantastic Four were dealing with Doom once again, so most of the heroes on scene were at street level, helping people out of collapsing buildings and making sure everyone was safe. Arachne and Spidergale kept their sector of the city safe until Doom was foiled.

            After that, the other teens had called it, but Patton, worrying as much as Virgil, had asked if they could meet up after. Since Thomas had taken MJ with him to California, they opted instead to meet at a midway point – Logan and Virgil’s apartment building.

            They met on the roof, hugging the hell out of one another just because, before they threw on some normal clothes. Cutting through the rooftop door that Logan had long picked open for them, they took a few levels down, Roman clutching Virgil’s arm as Logan and Patton’s hands swung between them. When Virgil wiggled his keys into the lock and popped the door open.

            The four took off their shoes as they entered, but Roman noticed something odd. “Wow, I didn’t know I was rubbing off on you. This is so retro.” Roman threw to Virgil as he spotted the leather jacket in the closet. It was old and worn with age and love.

            Virgil blinked as he nudged next to Roman. “Dude, that’s not mine. I’m pretty sure two of me could fit in it.”

            Roman pulled it out, holding it up. Compared to the lithe Virgil, it was very large. “Yeah… Can I have it?” Roman shrugged the jacket on, which was still too big on him (but not as large as it would have been on Virgil). “Think it fits my look?”

            “It’s very nice!” Patton agreed.

            “Didn’t your grandmother mention that she was having guests today?” Logan reminded. “I bet that belongs to her friend.”

            “Her friend has taste.” Roman threw as he put the jacket back on the hook. “Where is my second favorite Storm, anyway?”

            “She’s gotta be around here somewhere.” Virgil noted. He entered the house proper with his friends when the door behind them wiggled. “Oh, maybe she went to check on the…” Virgil began when the door opened.

            In the doorway was a young, fit man, no older than his mid-thirties, but he was built like a god. Blond hair was gently tussled as the blue and red of his plaid shirt was doused with some dust from concrete. His sleeves were rolled, arms chiseled and lightly sheened in sweat. His jeans didn’t leave much to the imagination, curved gluts and strong legs all about. His face was a work of art, and it was a work of art that all of the boys knew.

            “Cap-Captain America?” Patton stuttered. Roman’s mouth was moving, his brain having come to a complete halt as the Gay was too much. Virgil, meanwhile, was clutching his boyfriend’s arm, worried that the hero had somehow pieced together their identities and was there to turn them over to SHIELD or tell them to stop or SOMETHING. Patton was also having some Pan panic at the site of the man, while Logan’s brain was running through different facts and figures and generally having an error noise because two plus two was not equaling four.

            “Ah, glad you could make it back so fast, Stevie.” Grandma Storm rounded the corner with a tray of sweets. “Boys, I want you to meet my old army buddy, Steve Rodgers. Steve, this is my grandson, Virgil, and his little friends, Roman, Patton, and Logan.”

            “Hey kids.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck before offering a hand to shake. “Virgil, right? Your grandmother was just telling me about you.”

            “Uh.” Virgil raised his hand, setting it in the other man’s hand and shaking it. “I hope it was, uh, good?”

            “Holy shit.” Roman shook Virgil as he got his hand back. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that your grandma knew Steve Rodgers. THE STEVE RODGERS! You are the WORST boyfriend EVER!”

            Virgil blinked before swatting at Roman. “I just found out, too, you idiot!”

            “I like your sweater, kid.” Steve complimented to Patton. “Admittedly, I’m more of a dog person.” He noted, the sweater having been cat themed.

            “I LOVE puppies!” Patton cheered. “But I love kitties, too. And all the baby animals! They’re just so CUTE!”

            Logan rolled his eyes. “Never mind that he is ALLERGIC to cats.” Logan offered a hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Captain Rodgers. I am Logan Quinn.”

            Logan shook the man’s hand, and, even though the thought was purely illogical, he momentarily entertained never washing that hand ever again.

            “I’m Patton!” Patton said but, before he could offer a hand, he pulled Steve into a tight hug.

            Steve felt the air nearly knocked out of him at the boy’s strength, but the hug was… actually very pleasant. He couldn’t actually remember the last time he got a really strong, good hug that just made him feel comforted, protected. He was usually the strong one, so he had to reel it in. “Woah.” Steve laughed as he hugged the kid back, being careful not to squish him (though he entertained that it would probably do little damage). “I’m guessing you’re a hugger.”

            “Mm-hm! Oh, sorry!” Patton released the man. “I should have asked, first, but I just got so excited! You’ve saved the day, like, a bunch of times! You’re like my third favorite hero!”

            “Third, hm?” Steve smirked. “Who’s one and two?”

            “Logan and Rainbow Weaver.”

            Logan blushed brightly. “We get it.” Logan clapped, even as his face was beat red. “You’re ad-or-a-ble.”

            Steve laughed, throwing back his head. He turned back to the emo boy and the excitable teen shaking him. “Roman, yes?”

            Roman stopped, staring at the man. “Yes! I am Marigold. Roman! Roman Marigold! Actor extraordinaire, future Broadway star…”

            “Sir Sings-a-lot.”

            “Virgil I love that nickname and I am KEEPING IT!”

            “That sweat pea is my grandson’s boyfriend.” Grandma said as she set the sweets down. “Since you all seem so excitable, I’m guessing that you all are fine from that rumble.”

            “Doctor Doom was at it, Grandma.” Patton nodded. “Do you need any help with the tea or sweets? I have a new recipe that I could whip up in a jiff!”

            Patton made sweets as the four boys ended up listening to the two older folks talk about old stories back from the early 20thcentury, Virgil once again wondering how old EXACTLY his grandma was (she was always so vague). Logan, of course, asked a ton of questions, but none were about super heroics or the like, but instead he was just curious about life back then. Patton offered to make some cookies for Steve to take on the road, and Roman was honestly the biggest Gay disaster the whole time. When Steve, somewhat embarrassed, mentioned his time as a stage performer, Roman snapped out of it and wanted to reenact parts. Roman’s enthusiasm proved to Steve that he wasn’t doing it for shits and giggles but was honestly awed by something Steve thought was so silly. Virgil was mostly an avid listener to the people around him, fully relaxed in the presence of his friends, family, and one of the world’s greatest heroes.

            Of course, once Roman had snapped from his panic, he’d ALSO wanted pictures, which Patton enthusiastically agreed with. Of these pictures, one goofy one in a hand-made frame found itself sent to a certain hero via snail mail, which he hung on his wall and smiled at when he passed. Another wound up on a certain Princey’s Instagram, instantly going gangbuster and gaining him about 100 followers in the span of an hour. Another found its way to the cellphone of a Youtuber about to get on a flight home, which gained, of course, confusion and also some similar gay fawning from the recipient and his boyfriend.

            Grandma Storm had Virgil print them all off so she could put them in a box with all her old war photos, many showing the Howling Commandos at their peak, her and Grandpa amongst their ranks. She’d let slip to Virgil someday about how and why she was there, but, for now, that was a story for another time.

            One thing was for sure, though – Steve was in love with Patton’s cookies and couldn’t wait to visit the Storm household again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments sincerely appreciated! Don't know what will happen next, but I hope to keep this up!


	2. It's a Playdate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas has a meeting with the Avengers, so he decides to bring his kids so they can have a play date with the other hero ~~kids~~ protégés.
> 
> But, really, it's a playdate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter Parker lives in this universe as a normal, albeit smart, college freshman :D
> 
> ...well, normal is relative.

            “So you brought us with not to go to the ACTUAL meeting but to hang out with the other kids?” Virgil, as Spidergale, threw to Thomas, currently dressed as Rainbow Weaver. In fact, all of them where in their Spider gear as they swung onto the landing jutting out from Stark Towers, otherwise known as New York’s Avengers’ headquarters. “What is this? A playdate?”

            “Look SHIELD has some news, and you know I’ll give you guys the rundown on what’s important after. Mostly it’s just us getting nagged about property damage.” Thomas threw as he waved his hand.

            “I’m SO SORRY about that building last week!” Love Bite, aka Patton, threw, his lenses cocked as he looked so sad. Really, their masks were good with expressions.

            “Love Bite, you were THROWN INTO A BUILDING!” Arachne, aka Logan, threw. “They do NOT blame you for that!”

            “And if they did, they’d have to talk to these fists first!” Royal Slinger, the last of their quartet of Spiderlings, threw in an ever so Roman way.

            “And you sent a card to the building manager. They probably get it and have insurance for that.” Thomas assured as he rubbed Patton’s head, mushing his cap ever so slightly. “Now, yes, unfortunately some of the higher ups are a bit prickly about kids and meetings. Some of the other protégés occasionally come, and, as much as I love and appreciate you guys, I think you need more friends than just each other.”

            “I mean, maybe Logan and Virgil…” Roman trailed off before his boyfriend swatted him. “HEY! It’s true!”

            “ANYWAY!” Thomas cut in once more, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Just… don’t blow anything up. If there’s an emergency, the building is hooked up with an AI known as JARVIS. Our normal communications won’t work in the tower, but he’s been told to interrupt the meeting should something go awry.”

            Logan’s extra arms came out to hold out a small device. “Would you at least endeavor to record it? I feel like I can pick out things better from a first-hand reading.”

            “Sorry, kid, but that won’t work in here.” The Spiders turned as Tony Stark stepped out onto the veranda, band shirt and blazer perfectly matching his glasses that likely cost more than Thomas’ rent. “My tech will auto nuke it on entry, but if your nice, I might be swayed to share my personal logs.”

            “Isn’t that not allowed?” Patton questioned.

            A voice snorted behind Tony. It was now that the five noticed a second figure on the roof. The person, as opposed to Tony, was no older than his late teens, early twenties, with brown hair and clothes that would be more normally worn on one of the spiderlings in their alter egos – he wore washed out jeans, a Columbia t-shirt, and a plain navy hoodie, a Stark pad in one arm as a keycard was clipped to his side. “Tony hacked the system a while ago. JARVIS stores a copy on a local drive that only Tony and I can get a hold of.” The kid stepped forward and waved. “Oh, yeah, hi, I’m Peter.”

            Tony threw an arm around the kid. “Spider runts, meet Underoos – he’s one of the best scientists I got in this place. Give him a few years, and he might be as smart as me.”

            Peter blushed at the praise. “Aw, Mister Stark-”

            “Seriously, kid? I’ve known you for years. It’s TO-NY.” Tony turned to Thomas. “You remember the kid, right?”

            “Yeah, you gave me a bunch of vines to watch last time.” Thomas chuckled. “Still haven’t gotten through them all yet.”

            Peter nodded sagely. “Well, I’m the designated ‘person under 25’ today, so I’m gonna be taking you guys around the tower. Squirrel Girl and Ms. Marvel are already here, but I think most of the others are out on team missions or whatever.” Peter shrugged. “I’ll get the brief later.”

            “You have access to those systems?” Logan approached.

            “Eh… ‘Access’ is a relative term.” Peter waved his hands. “Now, ‘hacking,’ hacking is a better descriptor.”

            “I taught him well.” Tony said, ignoring Patton’s chide at how hacking wasn’t right. “Now, Weaver, we got a meeting to be fashionably late to. You know how old eyepatch gets.”

            “Yeah, yeah.” Thomas waved before turning to his kids. “Now, be good and listen to Peter. This should be a couple of hours, and, PLEASE, don’t blow anything up.”

            “No promises, boss man.” Virgil gave a salute.

            Thomas sighed as he followed Tony. With their enhanced hearing, the boys definitely heard Thomas muttering to the other man about ‘kids these days’ and ‘I love my boys but I want to strangle them’ and other normal terms of love.

            “So I kind of already know which of you is which.” Peter said as he pulled out four keycards from his pocket. “You guys are going to need these.”

            “Oh? Will they allow us entry into the building?” Logan questioned as he took one.

            Peter snorted. “JARVIS’ face recognition software is better than any keycard. We mostly use these as a bait and switch in case anyone tries to steal our stuff. Don’t tell anyone that, though. These cards just basically get you free snacks at the vending machines.”

            “SHOULD you be telling us this?” Virgil questioned, eye quirked. “I mean, you just met us.”

            “Call it my personal spider sense.” Peter shrugged. “I’m good at reading people, and you guys seem alright.” Peter didn’t add that he had top security clearance, up there with Tony and Pepper, and had run background checks on them all. He’d been a bit less prying then his mentor, though, and had JARVIS blur names and faces. He got the basics, though. Each spider kid was unique, around his age (a bit younger, actually), and were good in their own right. Heck, Love Bite stopped on random street corners to help school children and old people cross the road.

            Peter led the charge, and, of course, Logan was asking questions as they walked in. Logan was, by far, the smartest of the four, but Peter was surprising them by being a match for his intellect. Patton was startled by JARVIS greeting them when they walked in, but soon enough the AI and the teen were chatting up a storm. Roman, for all his gags at things like science and math, was actually quite good and intrigued by it, so he was looking all about with Virgil, pointing out things that looked cool and getting layman explanations of things from Peter.

            “So how does the whole… spider thing work?” Peter asked to the group as they passed a wall of armors. “Like, do you guys make your own web? Does it come out of…” He gestured to his behind.

            Virgil snorted as he nudged Logan. “Yeah, Arachne, does it come out down…” Spidergale found webbing over his mouth, courtesy of his best friend. Virgil let off a noise of protest as he scrambled at his mask to remove the muffle or move up the mask.

            “I myself, as well as Love Bite, have the ability to generate organic webbing from our wrists, but we tend to rely more on web shooters. Using organic webbing extensively can be draining and requires Love Bite and I to consume more calories when doing so.” Logan pulled off his glove and rolled down his sleeve slightly to reveal the device. “Weaver made the initial designs and prototypes. He also uses them. We’ve fit them with other devices in the mean time, like vocal communicator, tracking systems, and what not.”

            “I came up with the best kinds of snacks to deal with the hunger.” Love Bite nodded as he pulled out some wrapped cookies. “Want one?”

            Peter eyed the cookies. “Am I safe to eat one? I’m not superhuman.”

            “Oh! Wait…” Patton stuffed the cookies back into one pouch and pulled a new set from another. “These are just sugar cookies. We do a lot of patrolling, and snacks are important!”

            Roman pulled on Virgil’s mask, managing to dislodge the webbing. “LB is a really good baker.” The emo noted as he leaned over to help Roman off the ground.

            Peter took the cookie before hesitantly taking a bite.

            His eyes blew wide.

            “I need, like, a million of these.” He said with great awe. “These are amazing. They’re awesome. Did you put something in this?”

            “Love and sugar, kiddo!” Patton confirmed before sticking a few cookies at each of them.

            “LB I’m not…” Virgil tried to say, but he found his mask jerked up slightly to reveal his mouth just as a cookie was stuffed in. It wasn’t even a regular one – it was one of the superhuman high protein high sugar ones Patton made.

            “Nope!” Patton chided. “Grandma told me that all you had was an apple today!”

            Virgil took a bite as he grabbed the cookie. “How did you know?”

            “She and all the other old ladies put me in their baking group chat.”

            Peter licked his fingers. “So the rumor is true? That you guys are Weaver’s kids?”

            The group snorted. “Yeah… that was a thing.” Roman smiled. “While Weaver is like the weird combination of dad and older brother, none of us are actually related. I mean, unless the spider venom changed our DNA and made us more related? Is that, like, a thing or just something in comics?”

            “The circumstances that gave us four our powers was similar to Weaver, but it was still separate. In short, we each were exposed to venomous chemicals of an altered spider that resulted in each of our power development.” Logan explained.

            “I arguably got the best powers.” Roman threw.

            The other spiders rolled their eyes.

            “We all have the same basic powers.” Virgil explained. “Wall sticking, enhanced strength, spider sense, etc. Arachne has a little less stick, so he uses his legs for extra grab. Also the web thing.” Virgil shot a web off into a corner.

            “We each have little cool powers, too! But they’re not really all there.” Patton explained. “Like I can pick up on surface thoughts of animals, but it comes and goes. Spidergale turned invisible once! That was really cool!”

            “Ro- uh, Royal Slinger blew out the speakers of our school’s speakers a few times.”

            “My voice is a beautiful weapon.”

            “Arachne’s also the fastest. Like, really fast.” The emo added last.

            Peter let off a whistle. “That’s pretty insane guys. I’d love me some super powers, but I think I’m stuck toying with armor in the mean time. Jar, don’t tell Mr. Stark about this, but I’m trying to compress an arc reactor to make it possible to charge a mobile suit of some sort.”

            “Your secret is safe with me, Mr. Parker.” JARVIS confirmed.

            “Just don’t jump into it feet first, dude.” Roman warned, wincing in memory of his first attempt at being a hero. Gods, his outfit was UG-LY back then. “You have, like, Iron Man to show you the ropes first. Rainbow Weaver has been the best in training us, and, even if I hate to admit it sometimes, we’d all be squished by now without him.”

            “Royal Slinger? Admitting he’s not immortal?” Spidergale joked.

            “A prince must know his limitations… so that he can overcome them!” The red spider defended.

            Peter thought about it before nodding. “I’ll think about it. Mr. Stark is a bit protective is all.”

            “And you think Weaver isn’t?” The emo threw before they all started sharing horror/hilarious stories about times Weaver had saved their asses in the most dad ways.

            They took an express elevator about 50 floors up before the doors opened, four spider senses going off at once as they hit the deck, grabbing Peter with them. A disk shot over them, bouncing off the interior of the elevator wall before Logan caught it with his legs. “Whoops! Sorry!” The five looked up to see a girl with a massive, stretched out form begin to shrink as JARVIS paused the practice. Off to another side, a girl with a squirrel ear headband and a massive squirrel tail waved, a number of little squirrels around her.

            “Hi Pete!” The animal girl waved. “Oh, hey! It’s the spider brigade! Hi!” The girl scampered over, one squirrel with a bow on her shoulder, a big grin on her face. She exhumed what the boys affectionately called ‘Patton energy.’ “So, I’m Squirrel Girl, this is Ms. Marvel, and this is Tippy-Toe!” She introduced in rapid succession.

            Patton leapt up. “Hello! I’m Love Bite, that’s Royal Slinger, this is Arachne, and this is Spidergale! Oh, and this is Peter!”

            “I know Peter!” Squirrel Girl replied.

            “Oh, sorry! Oh my gosh, your squirrels are SO CUTE! Can I pet them?”

            “Tippy-Toe loves petting!” As she said this, the squirrel on her shoulder leapt to Patton as the boy screeched in pure joy, gently petting the squirrel with pure adoration.

            Ms. Marvel made her way over as she picked up the disk with an enlarged hand. “We got bored and decided to goof off.”

            “That’s a mood.” Peter and Virgil said at the same time before looking at each other, grinning.

            “Ms. Marvel?” Roman asked, stepping forward. “Ok, so this might be a rumor, but I heard you can shapeshift.”

            “Mm-hm!” She said, setting down the disk and shifting into Royal Slinger. “I’m a polymorph!” She stated in her own voice before clearing her throat. “How do I look?” She struck a pose with Roman’s voice now.

            Virgil blinked between the two before turning to Logan. “Slap me. I’m having a nightmare.”

            “Hey!” Roman threw, but Ms. Marvel already shifted to appear like Spidergale. Roman was enamored. “You. You would be FANTASTIC in the school play! Can you act? Please say yes.”

            That was how Roman and Kamala were left, acting out favorite TV scenes and talking about superhero stuff (not, like, serious stuff but more ‘did you see Cyclops last week that outfit was HIDIOUS!’). Patton was currently covered in squirrels and designing crazy playgrounds off the walls with webbing.

            That left Peter, Virgil, and Logan.

            Peter turned to the two. “Wanna blow something up?”

            The two introverts shared a look.

            “Yes.”

* * *

             “Mr. Stark, Mr. Weaver.” JARVIS interrupted what Thomas was deciding was the most BORING meeting of his life. Seriously, they weren’t even covering whatever Doctor Doom or the Skrulls anymore but TAXES and PUBLIC IMAGE and BLAH BLAHDY BLAH! He was a wholesome gay hero he shouldn’t have to deal with taxes. This was some homophobic BS (as he kept telling himself, trying not to daydream too much about MJ or planning a new video and miss the whole meeting).

            “Hold up, Cabbage Patch.” Tony threw to the guy with ridiculously curly hair and a pressed suit on the screen. He was definitely a bureaucrat first and foremost. “What’s up, JAR?”

            “I would like to inform you that Protocol Baby Alarm has been triggered. It has also come to involve Mr. Weaver’s protégés, Spidergale and Arachne.” JARVIS intoned.

            “Well, shit, I guess I gotta deal with that.” Tony threw as he stood. “You don’t mind, Cap? Fury? Gotta make sure a civilian like my people are taken care of. Kinda serious.”

            Serious??? Weaver stood up, full of concern. “Wait, what’s the Baby Protocal? What happened?”

            “I’ll explain on the way.” Tony nodded as he easily walked out. Thomas abandoned his chair with little fanfare, worry and panic in his veins. His spider sense hadn’t gone off, and his gut (aka his ‘dad’ sense) hadn’t told him something was wrong. Tony walked quietly down the hall, humming something ACDC until they reached the elevator.

            Once the doors closed, Thomas felt like he was about to crawl out of his skin. “What’s the Baby Alarm? Tony, what happened? Are my kids ok?”

            Tony looked over before snorting. “JARVIS, pull me up a feed.”

            On the elevator doors, a holographic screen showed a room absolutely COVERED in spider web, the epicenter a mess of plastic, scorch marks, and more web. The camera panned to show Peter stuck to the floor, Logan trying to dislodge his legs from a wall, and Virgil… well, Virgil seemed to be stuck to the ceiling somehow. Soon, four other kids, including his missing spiders, ran in. Roman started laughing, even with the sound muted, and Patton began fussing over Logan.

            Then he got stuck.

            “Protocal Baby Alarm AKA Peter blew something up again, nothing’s actually broken, but now I have an excuse to leave a boring meeting.” Tony grinned as Thomas clutched his chest, his heart slowing. Everyone was alright.

            In so much trouble, but alright.

            “I TOLD them not to blow anything up!” Thomas threw.

            Tony laughed. “My kid’s a sweetie, but he can be a terrible influence.”

            “He seemed so innocent.”

            “Oh, he is.” Tony nodded as the door opened. “He gets the blow shit up bit from me. JARVIS? Can I get some blue prints on whatever they were doing? Or, hell, can we just get some bots to scrape them off?”

            Thomas cracked his neck as the biochemical components appeared on a holographic display that led them. At least he remembered enough of this gibboly goop from his chemical engineering degree. “Looks like they messed with the webbing formula… again.”

            “Again?”

            “Royal Slinger and Arachne can get very… creative with my original formula. Slinger always wants to make it gayer, and Arachne still hasn’t figured out how I get the coloring just right.”

          Tony laughed. Yeah, their kids would get along swell.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL THE COMMENTS LAST CHAPTER I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
> 
> PS I don't remember seeing who made organic webbing outside of Logan so I guessed Patton. They usually rely on cartridges because otherwise it's really exhausting to make webbing. Organic webbing is saved for basically 'we're done just please tie him up' or 'sh*t we are in so much trouble RETREAT!'
> 
> Also I LOVE Kamala and Doreen in the latest Secret Avengers they are ADORABLE and will KICK ALL THE BUTT!


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